What’s wrong with capitalism?

The happy investor

Thanks to my funky new oxogen tank, and Big Pharma dividends, I’m really free to travel …

Chasing value investments

Broker 1 Take a position in the third world economy. The Oracle from Omaha may not recommend it but his timeless principles prove real returns in the booming socio-global material market.

Broker 2 He’s right. We suggest buying a piece of a business whose core business is taking and giving pieces… of, you know, human tissue.

JR Hang on… you mean human organ trafficking?

Broker 1 That makes it very sound seedy. Global Ambulance Ltd is respectable. It’s not bodies in ice baths, with kidneys and eyes missing. Remember the happy Chinese kid? He got an i-pad. It would’ve taken him years to make one. He made his spare kidney without trying. We all cash in our assets when times get tough. People rent their brains, its called employment…

Broker 2 Broker 1, you’re off topic. We need to reframe. Your investing in people… in repurposing people. It makes you more of an angel investor than those silicon valley clowns funding fart-apps-for-kids. Their only innovation is probably having different ethnic food styles.

JR God, you two are so convincing!

Modern Foods – manufacturing smiles

In modern processed foods, adding sugar is probably the single most cost-effective way of flavouring food and beverages. It makes them palatable. Improving palatability improves sales. Manufacturers know making food sweeter attracts customers like cocaine sales attract ladies of the night. Or corporate middle aged men are attracted to ladies of the night… (and their cocaine).

Any ingredient that

  1. increases shelf life (like sugar);
  2. decreases production costs (like carbs used as cheap fillers); and
  3. increases taste (like sugar);

is ONE commercially irresistible strategy…

Carbohydrates achieve all of it.

(We call it cereal.)

Carbs make foods cheaper and makes them more addictive. The more addicted we are the more we buy. You know the AA saying, “one is too many and a thousand is never enough”? Well, companies disagree with the first five words.

We can hardly blame food companies. I do, of course, but with a twinge of guilt. Because I’m hardly a paragon of value centred consistency…

Example: Look, I hate that our globe is melting. But, apparently I hate driving in summer without air-conditioning.

Did you know the name of the big food company who changed strategy to help prevent type 2 diabetes, and become an obesity conscious manufacturer?

Broke Arse Ltd.

Improving taste of food products by food companies delivers money rather like it’s their core business.

Let’s say Lap Dance Flavour Ltd sells Cinnamon Cookie A. Whereas Chocolate Balls Ltd sells Cinnamon Cookie B. What happens if Cookie A gets extra sugar in their ingredient supply chain? Perhaps a subtle new proprietary blend of sugar and cinnamon that hits customer brain pleasure centres twice as fast as Cookie’s B’s (antiquated) flavour?

On a micro-economic scale, sales in Cookie A explode, and Cookie B shrivels. Then Chocolate Balls Ltd sends urgent memos to their hipster food designers to

Stop Twittering, and put their over-educated brains to improve their Cookies’ crappy flavour.

The order will be to make our cookies as good Lap Dance Flavour’s sweet mouthful of deliciousness!

Balding self-loathing Nirvana fan executives ARE dementedly screaming at their hipsters food designers to

Get off their goddamn heart-shaped boxes, and show some goddamn teen spirit!!!

The result of these ironic tirades? Sweet smelling, crack-like addictive tweaks in Cookie B’s now supercharged formula.

Under the circumstances, Chocolate Balls’ coordinated performance is predictable… like it’s their job. Yes, even while their Generation X executives hate themselves for being sell-outs and want to die like its 1991…

So, I’m not describing a weird corporate espionage designed to make customer’s fat and diabetic. This is an automated process for any food company’s response to market pressure, influenced by:

  1. economic logic
  2. their shareholders
  3. their degree of corporate competence

and basically every other human socio-economic behaviour pertaining to any competitive food production scenario.

I’m personally implicated. See, if you can spot shades of yourself in this investor.

If Chocolate Balls Ltd do not react fast to Lap Dance Flavour’s cookie-flavour moves, then aren’t they selling out their shareholders?

I might see their share price plummet and say

“Screw Chocolate Balls Ltd! My broker won’t buy shares in that crappy smelly company unless they call in the hipsters… Stat! Actually, SELL my shares in that garbage company… Calling themselves fucking cookie manufacturers. God!”

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