Flex with benefits: the return of the young, strong, attractive, virile you

Do you want to be sexier to the gender of your attraction?

I know – rhetorical question.


Do you want to climb stairs easily with your shopping? Of course not. What’s sort of goal is this?

No-one looks in the mirror, and thinks, God I can’t wait to more easily lift my shopping up the stairs!

Still, check this anyway. Trust me – it’s cool to surprise yourself charging up your stairs, or sprinting across the road, because it feels good.

If you’re in your 60s or older, then you’ll be pleased to experience the upside of the fact that everything a convenient muscle protocol normally achieves, will be 3 times more effective for YOU. Benefits to older people are just short of miraculous.

I might have previously suggested miracles should not be given credence. Yes I think that even spectacular results are applied biology. Even so, I would admit, that reversing a person strength to that of their 15 year younger versions, in 3 months, would be impressive if it were a surgical and experimental drug treatment protocol costing $50,000… So if it’s caused directly by a $10 a week casual gym pass with each visit requiring 12 minutes of effort… what to call THAT?

And that, as Coke says, is it.

Ageing backwards

Let’s speak about reversing ageing. There are a few chronological time/space issues with this idea. You know, worm holes, quarks, and the whole beam me up Scotty thing. These issues may be more relevant one day. Let’s instead approach this topic with a degree of poetic license. Do not fear, our exaggerations will serve a very real and beneficial purpose.

In the 1970s New York plastic surgeon made some inroads into popularising facial yoga. (I’m predicting the debut of a Yoga Burka as a fashion inevitability. You read it here first!)

The genesis of the surgeon’s idea was interesting. He described an ex-ballerina around 50 years old, walking past him. Because his career requires he be a tad age obsessed, our surgeon was struck by the contrast between the lady’s 50 year old face and her 25 year old looking body…

His job probably requires that, at least while holding his scalpel, he avoids facial muscles like they’re land mines. In any case, he sure knew where the facial muscles were. This observation and experience led to his inspiration for prescribing facial exercise protocols to help faces rewind without surgery (possibly thereby doing a disservice to his profession).

The take-away is not making your face youthful. It’s the broader point. Much of what we think of as aging is actually scarpela. This medical condition describes the muscle’s dying process during our lifetime.

Sarcopenia is mostly reversible.

Not Botox. Not some black-market French age-reversal cream using Japanese patented research for its breakthrough ingredient, la whale penis la creme (advertisement: “a lot goes a little way.”) It most definitely is not about removing the mere appearance of ageing with dab scalpel magic.

In raw unequivocal terms, a smart weight training protocol has proven to trigger actual reversing of age related DNA markers.

This information’s available in the scientific literature. Why hasn’t this fact been translated to the public? At least via infomercials, or fashion magazines?

I suggest, a reason is the marketing machines find advertisement copy reads better saying things like now using nitrogen dioxide to freeze your skin with amaaaaziiinnngggg results. Literal translation: sci-fi mimicry of 10 min- utes of youth-like enhanced dermis circulation.

It’s hard to patent, make money, or even answer our ageing anxieties, when the simple advise is for people to perform 5 exercises on 5 pieces of common gym equipment, only once a week.

Better, for dubiously qualified doctors, to sell hair back to us, or open new markets for our le whale penis le creme (advertisement: now in extra thick formula!)

People put anything on their face that hints the return of their teenaged reflection. Cue LA blond actress: ‘I drink a TON of water, but honestly, Yak pee moisturiser is like, you know, the best…’

But doing a simple leg press? That’s, hard. And how could that work?

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